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Vape club blows hot air (satire)

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By Branden Hopper
Staff Writer

Cuesta’s Vape club is pressing administration to consider investing in several costly amendments to buildings and facilities on campus. The newly formed club, who is now meeting in lot three, has presented a list of requests including rooms designated for vaping, smoke alarms that can tell the difference between real smoke and vaporizer smoke as well as some other completely logical and reasonable additions to the campus.

“We’re all pretty upset that none of these additions were written into Measure L,” said Chad Broington, a sixth year general education major. “They spent all their money on renovating infrastructure and more parking and honestly, it’s really disappointing that I can’t smoke my totally safe and completely FDA approved vape pen inside and around other people.”

The requests were prompted by two false fire alarms triggered this semester by vape pens.

“I don’t know why Cuesta’s smoke detectors can’t tell the difference between vapor and actual smoke,” said Brock McDoucheman, a fourth year music major. “It’s like, totally unacceptable that… um, like, you know…. That I can’t smoke my sick vape pen inside because Cuesta can’t afford the right kind of smoke detector thingies, dude.”

The club has also requested a portable be constructed so that they can have their daily club meetings indoors. They also hope to begin competitive vaping competitions in the near future.

“The other clubs all have their own indoor spaces so that they can hold meetings indoors when the weather requires it,” Broington said. “All we’re asking for equal treatment and for Cuesta to supercede California State law by allowing us to vape indoors.”

The club has had trouble generating support for their cause, though. Many students believe that vaping is just as bad as smoking and still cling to the archaic belief that vape smoke and cigarette smoke are equally unhealthy.

“The vape industry is almost completely unregulated and contrary to what vapors might tell you, the pens do emit smoke and not an actual vapor,” said a totally reasonable and intelligent student. “Vaping is dumb.”

The Vape club has found some support on campus, though and hopes to rally current smokers to their cause. Will the administration cave to the club’s demands? We’ll have to wait until the smoke, I mean vapor cloud settles.